Last Saturday, I was making embotido for our "Noche Buena" feast when my mom approached and gently stroked my hair. "Remember where we was last Christmas?" my mom softly spoke as she continued to gently touch my hair. I politely smiled as I mixed the ingredients together. If by any chance that you haven't read my entries December of last year, my mom was referring to my whirlwind sickness which eventually led to my MS-ICU confinement.
For some reason I didn't want myself to be reminded of what happened but I can't help it. Rather than avoiding the topic I opted to create this entry, face on I re-read the entries I've made last year. The first thought that came to me? "At that time I really thought that I was going to die" with all my strength I asked my mom if we could pray. After a year, obviously I didn't die but the ordeal left me with migraine attacks, heightened fear of heights, now and then memory lapses and the prescription glasses.
I have a typical first name and that is Kristina. It could be spelled-out in different ways (Cristina, Christina, Xtina and what have you) but nevertheless it still sounds the same. For the last 2 decades of my existence, my name has evolved from Maria, tin-tin, Kristina, Kristeta, tina, tins and in an effort to be unique I finally chose a hyphenated name now I am t-na.
Mood Swings
Confessions
I always said the right things, throwing smiles left and right, ignoring "unpleasant" scenarios pretend that it didn't happen. I found it difficult to say NO, even though I really don't want to do it. To top it off, I always believed that "If I could just be nice to other people, maybe they will also be nice to me in return". Now, realizing that all of that crap I thought of is just full of shit since a lot of people took advantage of my disposition. Some of them even recognized that I was gullible and naive but instead of correcting me, they completely did the opposite. I've treasured momments of reflection and meditation, the healing of wounds. One day I'll face and conquer my demons...
t-na @ 7:18 PM|
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